Sleepless Growing Pains

So I’m having my usual insomnia and I remembered all of a sudden that I have a blog. Oh yeah.

Not that anyone really read it that much, but that wasn’t really the point. I’m good at very little, but one thing I could always do was words. I can talk, sing or write my way out of anything. But it’s been two years since I talked out of my ass on this blog and while my ass is still as firm and bootylicious as it always was the bull shit that comes out of it is just not the same.

I guess it’s cuz I’m getting grown. I’m not the girl I was when I wrote that last post and that’s probably because I’m not really a girl anymore. Am I a woman? Almost, at least. I have accepted the responsibilities that the circumstances of my life have bestowed upon me and I do what I can about them. I tell myself that I will be strong and I try to follow through. Recently, I was eaten out by a tatted up medium on top of a veterinarian and I am one bender away from having a drinking problem. I suppose that makes me as much of a woman as any woman can be.

My values are basically the same, but I am not, which is why I have to let this blog go. I’m not erasing it-hell no. My years as a blogger helped me figure out who I was, and the women I blogged with gave me an anchor to pivot from when I had none. That’s something I’m indebted to them for. Those screen names believed in me. I wasn’t about to get that where I was standing. When you’re a girl raised by wolves-more specifically, a lunatic holy roller and a washed up cheerleader with fake tits (my mother and step mother) it’s important to have those female roll models in your life even if you never meet them in person. So important.

Will I still blog? Will I still write? You bet your ass I will. I won’t be here, but you’ll find me floating around. On the tumblr, on the twitter, saying things that will undoubtedly come back to bite me in the ass in the future as per us. Maybe I will be your counselor one day if you happen to be sold into human slavery. You might even see my face in your local police blotter without even knowing its me. Just remember I couldn’t have gotten there without you. And just give me a hollah when you come to town.

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Americans Elect and other ponderings

Still4hill has a link up where you can go track Hillary on America Elect. A couple of things you should do when you go to track her. One, note that Obama and Ron Paul are in the lead. Deuchbag blogger boyz strike again!

I’m sorry, but I just can’t take Ron Paul seriously. Look at him!

Tee hee! He’s so silly looking.

I’m sure I’m not alone in noticing how boring this election season is so far.

My predictions for 2012:

Winner of the 2012 Presidential Election: Tamerlane

His Running Mate: John Smart

It’s time for new leadership, America. Look through Hillary’s opponents on Americans Elect. Note how many of them, most of whom are elected officials, have dead eyes. It’s time for real Americans like Tamerlane and John to step up.

Biggest Celebrity Death: Lindsay Lohan.

End of the world in 2012? I think not. The whole Mayan calender thing is a crock of shit. The mayan calender restarts when it ends after several mellenia. People in America just launch themselves into self induced crisis after self induced crisis and we wonder why we’re “declining.” *eyeroll* All empires fall. Accept it. How many times have we had to suffer through mass hysteria about the end of the world when nothing happens? Nothing happened during Y2K, nothing happened on May 21st. The world is not ending in 2012, dipshits.

However, some people believe that big things, maybe even good things, will happen that will raise our global collective consciousness. I don’t know if that’s true either and 2012 won’t be a year like any other, but it least it sounds less depressing than the world ending.

Either way, 2012 will be a good year. Ginger Cat for President!

Happy Holidays!!!

I woke up this morning hung over from work and in a sour mood. I was hungry and there was no food in my house, so as I was getting ready to go to the grocery store, I thought to myself, “Where are you Christmas?” An internal rant ensued.

Christmas is bull shit. Jesus wasn’t even born on December 25th. He was born in f*cking March. Just another Holiday the Roman Catholic Church stole from us Pagans and turned into payday… for them. It’s all commercialism and consumerism. All bull shit and bills, bills, bills.

But then I found a santa hat for my kee kee moa moa at the dollar store. I put it on her and suddenly we were dancing around to Christmas music on Pandora radio. She made a byootifewl kitteh santa and suddenly I felt the Christmas spirit again!

And then I realized… Christmas isn’t about giving or taking or Jesus or Santa. I looked into Isis’s furry face and figured it all out.

Christmas is about shopping.

Happy Holidays!

We Are All Americans

A friend of mine told me last night, “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.” If you hear someone saying Muslims are prone to violence, don’t believe it. If you see a Muslim who walks and talks and bleeds just like you, believe it. Stop the hate.

Primary His Ass

CAUTION: Angry, explicit Little Isis rant about to ensue.

Prelude: Our Hearts go out to Norway.

Word on the street is that Bernie Sanders thinks someone should primary Obama.

SANDERS: Brian, believe me, I wish I had the answer to your question. Let me just suggest this. I think there are millions of Americans who are deeply disappointed in the president, who believe that with regard to Social Security and other things, he said one thing as a candidate and is doing something very much else as a president. Who cannot believe how weak he has been for whatever reason in negotiating with Republicans, and there’s deep disappointment. So my suggestion is, I think one of the reasons the president has made the move so far to the right is that there is no primary opposition to him and I think it would do this country a good deal of service if people started thinking about candidates out there to begin contrasting a progressive agenda as opposed to what Obama believes he’s doing. […] So I would say to Ryan, discouragement is not an option. I think it would be a good idea if President Obama faced some primary opposition.

No shit, Sherlock. Someone should primary Obama? What a novel idea. Why don’t you do it, Bernie? Why not get some balls?

Bust this shit, readers. I had my first job when I was sixteen. I was a cashier at burger king. I still remember that first paycheck. Oh, the sweet smell of hard earned money. I relished opening that check. And of course when I did, I saw that some of my earnings were deducted for social security and other taxes. Some of my coworkers bitched about it, but I didn’t mind. At sixteen I knew that if I didn’t make bank later in life I was paying into a system that would benefit me for my contribution to society. I was raised on work ethic and honesty, like most Americans. Only unlike most Americans, I took it serioiusly.

I work hard, readers. I bust my ass. I’m a certified hustler, and I have paid for everything I own, from the clothes on my back to the nail polish on my toes to the ghetto ass car I drive. Don’t try to tell me I’m a spoiled millennial, because I’ll kick your ass from here to Canada.

Yeah, Obama should face some primary opposition. In fact, WHY IS HE NOT FACING A PRIMARY CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW? WHAT DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT CUTS SOCIAL SECURITY, MEDICAID AND MEDICARE AND DOES NOT FACE A PRIMARY CHALLENGE?

Jesus Christ. If I were old enough, I would primary him. And don’t give me that shit. Talkin’ bout “B-b-b-but, there’s no way, Little Isis! That can’t happen! It would weaken the party! Bachmann would win! We’ll all DIIIIIIEEEEEE!”

F*ck that noise. If Bachmann runs and wins against Obama, know what imma do? Laugh. I will laugh and laugh. And then I will f*cking point at your stupid asses and laugh some more.

What makes you think I give a shit about how a primary challenge to Obama might affect the Democratic Party and its chances for 2012? What has the Democratic Party done for ME lately, other than take away my benefits, cut my financial aid and do everything humanly possible to not give a shit about the future of my generation and by extension this country?

Oh. Primary Opposition to Obama would weaken him for 2012? Let me just pretend for a second that I care…

wait for it….

waaaaiiiiit….

Nope, still don’t give a shit. I don’t care who replaces him. Me and every other American pays for his food, his house, his jet and his butlers. And his ass is canned.

Ohio Lawmakers are Special People

As usual, I have been neglecting you, readers. But expect my neglect to continue. I have been frying bigger fish. For example, I have just been made a section editor at my school newspaper that comes with a handsome scholarship. And my Daddy said people didn’t want to read what I write!

I am appropriately heading the opinion section of the Newspaper. If you are wondering what newspaper I’m going to be an editor at, you can check it out here.  In fact, help a sister out and please do check it out. We’re trying to increase readership and plan on doing some revamping, so feedback is always helpful.

But something alarming has recently (five minutes ago) come to my attention. The ‘Hearrtbeat’ Bill has just passed the House in Ohio.

COLUMBUS, Ohio— The Ohio House has approved three abortion-related bills, including a measure that would impose the strictest abortion limit in the nation.

The Republican-led House on Tuesday voted 54-43 on the measure to ban abortions after the first detectable fetal heartbeat, which can occur as early as six weeks into pregnancy.

The House also approved 64-32 a measure to prohibit abortions after the 20th week of pregnancy if a doctor determines the fetus could survive outside the womb. It voted 62-35 to approve a bill that would prevent certain health insurers from covering abortions.

That means Ohio Right to Life has been put in an awkward position after they opposed the bill and created the stiffest anti-abortion restrictions in the country.

Planned Parenthood said that they’ll file a lawsuit the minute Kasich puts his signature on it.

DAMN STRAIGHT! This is not only unconstitutional, but disgusting. I always joke about being an Ohioan. And normally I would say I’m almost always ashamed of being an Ohioan, but I’m not. Ohioans are good, resilient people. The weather sucks and the economy sucks. That often results in depression, and Ohioans are seldom unmedicated, but our glazed smiles when you say hi to us will tell you that we do what it takes to pull through. And if that means running pill factories near the Ohio river, well by God, we’ll do it!

Ohioans get a bad rap from things like this. We’re a swing state because most of the state is rural, but we have liberal and moderate pockets here and there like Northeast Ohio and Columbus- which was recently referred to by a gay couple on an episode of True Life: I’m Getting Married! as “The San Francisco of the Midwest.”

As a resident of Northeast Ohio I run into all sorts- both wildly liberal and freakishly reactionary, and most of the people I know are one fry short of a happy meal. This may be because I am a magnet for mental illness- even my cat is on prozac. Or it is more likely because Ohio is filled with characters. But we are good people, and the women of Ohio- who all ready struggle with a sluggish economy, do not deserve this shit.

Ohioans are special people, but Ohio Lawmakers should be committed. And if Kasich signs the Heartbeat Bill, he should go to Hell.

Religiousity- Part 2… Little Isis’s Mom

Initially, when I decided to interview a believer so that I would get both sides of the story, I was going to interview John Smart. Partly out of laziness, and partly out of consideration, I decided to interview my mom instead. She is a salt of the Earth, Pentecostal, Flag waving Holy Roller. After concluding the interview, I feel that some of my brain cells have evaporated. Nonetheless, a peak into the mind of a true holy roller reveals no surprises.

Scientifically and logically, there is no evidence of God, and no historical evidence of many events of the Bible- including possibly the existence of Jesus Christ. So what makes you a believer?

Faith.

But is faith alone enough? And why?

Yes, because God is our creator.

But what evidence do you have that God is our creator, particularly the Judeo-Christian God of the Bible?

The sunrise, the thunderstorms, the human body. Miracles.

But how does all that tie unto a male, authoritarian God, especially since the story of Genesis would make the Earth about 5,ooo years old, when that is obviously not so?

Um, God’s time is not the same as our time.

How do you know that?

Cuz it says so in the Bible.

So you believe the Bible to be the 100% truth.

Yes.

What about passages where it says to murder disobedient children? That women can’t go to church on their periods? Or, what about the passage that says you cannot suffer me, your most precious and favored child, to live because I’m a witch?

*Sigh. For the period and being unclean, that was the law of the old testament. The New Testament doesn’t use all the laws and regulations the old testament did.

What about not suffering me to live?

Well, you’re my daughter and you will live.

Lucky me. So what you’re saying is you can pick and choose what passages in the Bible you follow and what ones you don’t have to?

Well in the case of there being a scripture that says to kill witches… I’ll talk to my Pastor about it.

Oh, to be such a blessed daughter as me. But getting back to my original question… if you believe the Bible to be completely true, why do you get to ignore some passages and beat non-believers over the head with others?

Well… Christ…. came to free us from the power of the law.

But Christ never said anything about homosexuality and abortion, and you and your friends treat those as big issues.

Abortion is murder.

Thats debatable mom, but what did Jesus say about abortion? And homosexuality?

I think the homosexuality is in the old testament.

But you say its wrong to be homosexual, even though Christ apparently freed us from the law.

Well, its in the old testament… I have to look up the verses.

I can see that I’m getting nowhere with this. You do realize you’re contradicting yourself?

Uh huh.

And thats fine with you?

Um… out of scripture, one person might get one thing and one person might get another, led by the Holy Spirit.

Describe the Holy Spirit to me. How do you know it exists?

Uh, the Holy Spririt is the third part of the trinity. The father, the son, the Holy Spirit, they are one.

Yes, we know. But how do you know it exists?

Because its written in the Bible.

But going back to my original question. There is no way to prove the Bible’s accuracy, since its been translated and retranslated, over forty books are missing and many events contradict themselves. How can you use the Bible as an absolute truth when there are these issues?

Well, the Bible is the word made flesh. Jesus Christ is the word.

*Sigh. Okay, lets change topics. You believe in the rapture, right mommy?

Mmmm hmmm.

What about the guy who said it would happen on the 21st? When do you think it will happen?

There will be wars and rumors of wars… there’s no way of knowing. Only God knows.

What about athiests? Do you dislike them?

No.

Do you believe its possible to be moral without being a Christian?

Yes.

Do you think that some faithful believers who act like hypocrites ruin it for the rest of you?

No.

Why not?

Because thats just one man’s opinion.

*Blink Blink. Yeah, so anyway. My final thoughts: obviously, blind faith is contradictory and will lead to your eventual madness. I hear tell that many Christians find their faith strengthened after doubt. But does Tamerlane make a point? Are moderate Christians hypocrites?

My mother, a “true” believer who looks to the Bible as the 100% truth, freely admitted her beliefs are illogical and contradictory, and literally did not bat an eyelash. She clings to her lack of logic and rationality, and in this way makes her somewhat immune to the criticism that Tamerlane accuses our fellow bloggers of.

But for a moderate believer, what to do? The jury is out on that one, and its really none of my business. I regard the Bible as more of a literary text and am bothered by its misogyny, racism, homophobia, and genocide, as I’m sure many Christians are. Since I’m not a Christian, I’m not in it, to be frank.

But I will leave with this thought. A few days ago, someone very important to me went into the hospital and this is someone in my life who has battled chronic illness and has all ready been through Hell. I could feel this person giving up hope… and so I sat cross legged- I do not fall to my knees, because the Gods I believe in do not demand my servitude and groveling- and I prayed for my loved one. This person is fine now, and so the point I am trying to make, I suppose, is that love is irrational, as irrational as belief in the most bizzare Gods.

Actually, I’m not really sure what point I’m making. You see, all of this is very irrational.

But getting back to my point before I made that final point, faith is not rational. And so, decisions involving rational things like government policy and finances, as that poor slob on John Smart’s show who got rid of all of his assets in preparation for the rapture now undoubtedly knows, should not be made on faith or even perhaps in some cases even love- just ask Anakin Skywalker, who swore himself to the dark side and dissolved the Republic in an effort to save Padme Amidala, his beloved wife.

Darth Vader- Shoulda Been More Rational

Or ask you’re average 21 year old girl from the projects with a seven year old son. Sure, she was probably in love with her baby daddy during those ten minutes in the back seat of his cigarette stained Ford Focus, but that isn’t making him pay her child support.

But to make my final point which is my real final point and finalizes the final point I made earlier- my suggestion to Moderate Christians who struggle with doubt is this: Follow your heart, and then keep it to yourself.